Mar 15 2006

Hierarchy

Tag: General MusingsErin Banister @ 4:36 pm

Thanks to the Me, Myself, and I blog, I’ve had a chuckle today:

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together,
discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends,
“My son is a priest.
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him “Father.”

The second Catholic woman chirps,
“Well, my son is a bishop.
Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic woman says smugly,
“Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal.
Whenever he walks into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”

She replies,
“My son is a gorgeous, 6′2″, hardbodied, well hung, male stripper.
Whenever he walks into a room, women say, My God….”

Link


Mar 10 2006

Scott Allen’s Joe Job

Tag: Legal MusingsErin Banister @ 7:08 pm

It’s just amazing what some people will do for attention.

Scott Allen, of The Virtual Handshake and Entrepreneur.com fame (he blogs for http://entrepreneur.about.com) has been joe jobbed! A Joe Job, as defined by Wikipedia, is “an incident of spamming designed to tarnish the reputation of an innocent third party.”

What they’ve done with Scott is taken his name and email addressed and spammed the hell out of a lot of blogs… some of which hadn’t heard of him. They’ve sometimes inserted his telephone number, and other times used his wife’s name.

Thankfully, he’s taken some sage advice and reported the incidence(s) he’s aware of to the FBI internet crime devision. Since the joe jobber has implicated About.com, I’m sure their mighty legal department may have something to say regarding it. If you want to help the case, and help clear an honest man’s name:

How You Can Help

If you have received one of these bogus comments in my or my wife’s name (Jayne), please do the following:

  1. Leave it up until I can capture a screen shot as evidence.
  2. Make a note of the raw IP address.
  3. If you can, please make a note of any other comment spam from the same IP address. This is particularly important.
  4. Contact me with the information.
  5. Once I’ve confirmed back to you that I’ve got the screenshot, delete the comment.

If you would like to support me in helping keep my name clear and catch this perpetrator:

  1. Please post about it in your blog and link back to this post.
  2. If you see fake comments in my name like the ones above, please contact me with the URL so I can gather evidence and contact the blog owner.

Link

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Mar 05 2006

The Case of the Missing Babel Fish

Tag: General MusingsErin Banister @ 8:24 pm

My birthday went fine - I went to see the movie Curious George with my daughter. It was quite good, for a regular animated flick. The animators managed to breathe this life into curious George that I didn’t anticipate. He is portrayed very authentically - like a small child full of curiosity and love. Being a long-time fan of the book series, I wasn’t disappointed. Even more surprising is the fact that I saw a kids flick on my birthday and still had an awesome time.

I was never much of a party person anyway - it was nice, peaceful, and I got to do everything I wanted. I even went to B&N and bought a (*gasp*) fiction book.

After spending entirely too much time wandering around B&N (which is exactly why I shop for books online - I can never remember the titles I want to read, or those that people have recommended to me) my daughter was getting pretty PO’ed that she was still following me around, waiting to read her new book at the coffeeshop. I decided that I was bored with the hunt as well, and called upon an old routine of mine.

Up until a few years ago, I would make my weekly bookstore trip with the intention of finding someone to recommend a book to me. The only rules: 1) The person shouldn’t be too involved in their task; and 2) has to be a total stranger.

So I’m wandering around, following the flow of books from self-help to business to new releases, science fiction, then regular plain ol’ fiction, and I stumble upon a B&N employee who is oh-so-excited to be restocking a few books.

He was about as noticable as a shadow - for sure he had stringy brown hair and was average height. I didn’t catch his name, although theoretically his name tag should have been right at eye-level for me. I’m pretty sure he was somewhere in the 18-45 age bracket. Needless to say, pretty forgettable. Interestingly enough, it’s usually the forgettable people who recommend the best books - thereby making them remember-able. I intend on returning to B&N to find out “dude’s” name.

So anyway, I approach Dude and inquire, “If you could recommend one book, off the top of your head, what would it be?”

“What kind of books do you like?” Responds Dude.

“Not fair,” says I. “Off the top of your head.”

“Do you like fantastic-reality type books?”

“I like stories. Plain and simple.”

(For the record, as a sidenote, he was speaking about the cyberpunk genre)

“Have you read Murakami?” Dude asks. This sounds like some alien-speak - of which I have no babel fish. I shrug my shoulders and trust that the Universe will find me a decent book to read.

Dude hands me a book, with a face on the cover. “It’s kind of a heart-wrenching book.”

“Aren’t all good stories, to some extent, heart wrenching?” I say.
Laughingly, Dude replies, “I’ve been through at least three copies of it. It’s the best I know”

I smile, he smiles, my daughter looks irritated - we part ways. And after buying the book, ordering my coffee, and settling in for a little quality reading-time at The Starbucks at B&N I notice the title: Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, by Haruki Murakami. (That word finally clicks in my head. Murakami is not alien, nor do I need a babel fish. What I need to do is become familiar with Japanese surnames)

That title alone clicks with me - I don’t know why I didn’t notice it sooner. I flip frantically to the first page. Must read first paragraph, must read first paragraph….

“The elevator continued it’s impossibly slow ascent. Or at least I imagined it was ascent. There was no telling for sure: it was so slow that all sense of direction simply vanished. It could have been going down for all I knew, or maybe it wasn’t moving at all. But let’s just assume it was going up. Merely a guess. Maybe I’d gone up twelve stories, then down three. Maybe I’d circled the globe. How would I know?”

I like it. Really. The writing style is very engaging - you will definately see a book review from me on this work. There are some very good reviews of Hard-Boiled Wonderland on Amazon… I’m not nuts :)


Mar 05 2006

How Open Minded Are You?

Tag: Life MusingsErin Banister @ 5:23 pm

You Are 96% Open Minded


You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out!
Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand.You don’t have a judgemental bone in your body, and you’re very accepting.

You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.

Wow - my brain can fall out?

Mar 02 2006

Channeling 1950s America a la Ginsberg

Tag: Life MusingsErin Banister @ 1:25 pm

The New York Public Library has bought an archive of William S. Burroughs’ work (author of Naked Lunch and much much more). They’re anticipating making the archive public by next year - now I just need to NY. Maybe they’ll create a site for it like they did for Ginsberg.At 12 years old, I was in love with Allen Ginsberg and everything he represented to me as a quirky, nomadic beat poet of the 1950s. He’s just as relevant now as he was then.

I wanted to ressurect the beat generation (or channel them, at least) and build a commune in the Rocky Mountains. A philosophical-beat-revolutional commune. Funny how that never got off the ground. Maybe I can blame the government for that.

Allen Ginsberg Anime

America
By Allen Ginsberg

America I’ve given you all and now I’m nothing.
America two dollars and twenty-seven cents January 17, 1956.
I can’t stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb
I don’t feel good don’t bother me.
I won’t write my poem till I’m in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I’m sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don’t think he’ll come back it’s sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I’m trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I’m doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven’t read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for
murder.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid and I’m not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there’s going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I’m perfectly right.
I won’t say the Lord’s Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven’t told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over
from Russia.

I’m addressing you.
Are you going to let our emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I’m obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It’s always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie
producers are serious. Everybody’s serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.

Asia is rising against me.
I haven’t got a chinaman’s chance.
I’d better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals
an unpublishable private literature that goes 1400 miles and hour and
twentyfivethousand mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underpriviliged who live in
my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I’m a Catholic.

America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his
automobiles more so they’re all different sexes
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they
sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the
speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the
workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party
was in 1935 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother
Bloor made me cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have
been a spy.
America you don’re really want to go to war.
America it’s them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians.
The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia’s power mad. She wants to take
our cars from out our garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader’s Digest. her wants our
auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations.
That no good. Ugh. Him makes Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers.
Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I’d better get right down to the job.
It’s true I don’t want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts
factories, I’m nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I’m putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

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